a different perspective

Literally.

Recently I’ve had a fit and healthy development in my lifestyle (those who know me well usually gasp in shock at that idea). Namely, I’ve joined a running squad. Last night at training I was having a tough time. I started out pretty strong, but partway in started to feel quite ill.

As the disastrous you can’t do this thoughts started to take over my brain, I made the decision to just go a bit gently and that I wouldn’t stop. I think my reward for continuing kindly was this:

Most likely this doesn’t look like much to you, so I shall explain. Every day I drive over this bridge and back. I’ve been over it on foot, and I’ve seen it on anti-clockwise approach when running the Bay. But I’d never really looked at it from underneath at the Balmain Shores side on a calm lovely night like last night.

On top of that I’m still glowing with gratefulness from the kindness and warmth I experienced at the hands of two people at my running group, in particular the coach. Gifts abound, and I was lucky enough to see them yesterday.

wisdom shared

Today someone told me something that just absolutely crystalised a way of some vague notions that had been drifting around in my head recently..

She said that we can set as many goals as we want (that is not a bad thing) but we may not get to achieve them all. What is more important is approaching those goals with your own personal integrity.

My take on this is that we probably shouldn’t define ourselves through whether or not we achieve the goals we set ourselves. We should set in place our idea of how we want to be in the world – the what kind of person do I want to be? question – and then set about achieving goals within that framework of honouring our own integrity.

What do you think?

 

breathturn

Hammock, the lulling soundscape for a gentle walk this afternoon that had magically transformed from an initially pained run. After days of emotional exhaustion I feel appreciative to have found some healing moments in soft slow steps and the touch of the early Autumn breeze running its fingers through my hair, baring my face to the long golden shadows of the afternoon.

Here’s the video for Hammock’s Breathturn

crazy

Here I sit crosslegged on my couch hunching over my little netbook. It’s just past 11pm and there is dark silence in my flat. Outside I can hear the occasional car pass on the night road, and closer by in my kitchen, I can hear the old-fashioned ticking of a little clock that lives on the wall above my tea shelves.

Tich. Tach. Tich. Tach.

I’ve been feeling all sorts of crazy lately. Living with the understanding that I have forward momentum is difficult. I know that I have neglected this blog and I was moved tonight to reconnect with the purpose of it. I learnt to appreciate the small things after experiencing a great deal of complexity and I am recently reminded that I will be facing this complexity over and over again in my life. Sometimes that thought makes me feel very tired.

So what is it about everyday miracles that are so good? Why is an ability to connect with them such a clear reflection of how well I’m coping with life? To be honest, I’m not completely sure.. Maybe you have some ideas about this? I feel perhaps it has to do with the fact that if there is no reason to this existence – no ‘why’ to life – then one may as well feel joy as feel sadness.

The complication is that feeling sadness sometimes seems so much more naturally tangible and connectedly human than joy. This, I think, is part of what makes depression an illness. It’s not healthy and it’s not rational to default to the sad position. And once it turns self-destructive.. Look out!

And so – before I spiral into a mad vortex of boring self-recrimination (and drag you down with me) – I make this promise: I will try to begin posting again as a reminder that joy is just as valid as sadness.

Tich. Tach.

I hope you are continuing to see the small, miraculous moments in your own life.

religion for atheists

Recently I have observed with agitation that atheists feel it is important to bash religion, not realising that their militancy (i.e., their need to force others into believing what they believe, that there is no God) is appallingly akin to the worst kind of rhetoric that can arise from organised religion. And it’s certainly a far cry from the good things that are enacted under the banner of religion. As my irritation with this has increased, so has my fear for the loss of meaningful human connectedness and ‘spirituality’ (the meaning behind this word I have long pondered and am still not sure I can define how I think of it).

But tonight I went to the Sydney Opera House’s Ideas at the House with Alain de Botton. Restoring my faith in humanity, and educating me on the spectrum of atheism, de Botton articulately and entertainly offered up an option. He suggested that although it may be hard [read: impossible] to ever accept the existence of a God, organised religions actually have many good aspects that can be applied to secular society.

Somehow this reassures me – comforts me even. As an atheist, de Botton still managed to compassionately acknowledge that we can’t escape the vulnerability of our humanity, and that some level of respect for religion should be found in all human hearts as a result (that last part is me extrapolating!)

In any case, here’s a little of what the talk was about (from his website www.alaindebotton.com):

Religion for Atheists suggests that rather than mocking religions, agnostics and atheists should instead steal from them – because they’re packed with good ideas on how we might live and arrange our societies. Blending deep respect with total impiety, Alain (a non-believer himself) proposes that we should look to religions for insights into, among other concerns, how to:

- build a sense of community

- make our relationships last

- overcome feelings of envy and inadequacy

- escape the twenty-four hour media

- go travelling

- get more out of art, architecture and music

- and create new businesses designed to address our emotional needs.

For too long non-believers have faced a stark choice between either swallowing lots of peculiar doctrines or doing away with a range of consoling and beautiful rituals and ideas. At last, in Religion for Atheists, Alain has fashioned a far more interesting and truly helpful alternative.

Now to get reading some of his books!

space in the city

Space.. Not to double up on a theme two posts in a row, but I suppose finding healthy space is something I value very much at this point in my life; and probably always will. Today I went to a workshop held at Dickson Space in Newtown (more about the workshop to come in another post). Dickson Space is comprised of a Jacaranda-sheltered garden, surronded on three sides by a character-laden hall to the front, a kitchen area to the side and a yoga room at the back. With the sun shining, it was an absolute pleasure to spend time in these surroundings.

saturday evening space

This evening, in the face of some serious anxiety and existential fear, I forced myself out of the house for some exercise. Giving in to the fact that I wasn’t likely to be going hard in my frame of mind, I soon changed pace from a sweaty laboured  jog to a gentle walk.

I stopped at one point to stretch, then just sit on a bench for awhile. This is some of my view. I can’t share with you the quiet, but it was a peaceful and settled dusk, with only the sound of lapping water and the occasional child-at-play-shout punctuating the moment.

 

a bro who loves philosophy

I’ve been very lax on the miracle-recording front recently, and I think there are a few reasons for this. I’m not going to bore you with them suffice it to say that life has it’s ups and downs, and will always do so.

Something I’ve been pondering lately is how to define self. Self is not just what we look like, how we act, what we own, what type of friends we have, nor the types of places we go. There is something independent to all that, the inner-ness of self. How do we go about knowing our self separate to all the of the above listed life accoutrement?

So, this is a related excerpt from a great little blog written by “a bro who loves philosophy” [otherwise known as Philosophy Bro]. This is a bro-summary of Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. Don’t mind the cursing; I think it gives to the meaning a certain je ne sais quoi.

Jean-Paul Sartre’s “Being and Nothingness”: A Summary

First of all, fuck Kant.

Why is his shit so needlessly complicated? A whole world we can’t talk about or know anything about? Then how the fuck can he possibly talk about it? What if the world is just exactly the way we see it? Why complicate things even further? Don’t tell me I can’t get to the chairness of a chair – it’s a pretty simply concept, chairness – it’s just being a chair. Legs, maybe a cushion, and you sit in it. Can’t stop being a chair. Was that so hard?

Look – there are two ways to exist in this world. Chairs just are the way they are, they have being-in-itself. There’s nothing special about them. But bros? Oh man, bros are a whole different story. There’s no intrinsic broness we all have; we get to make our own shit. Every bro is like a completely blank canvas, devoid of any color, and he gets to paint himself however the fuck he wants. Seriously, this blankness, this void, isn’t just any ordinary property; it cuts to the very meaning of what it means to be a bro – a bro exists with being-for-itself, with an incompleteness that he must take care of himself.

Maybe you’re thinking, “but Sartre – don’t we have a clear description too? Walks around on two legs, usually between five-six and six-eight, hair up top and all that jazz?” Bro, I get it. Nothingness is scary at first. So much room to work, and so little guidance; the thought of nothingness horrifies us. So if you want to take the infinite potential that is that blank canvas and fill it with a physical description of yourself, then fucking be my guest.  But you still have to do the work; it’s not like you’re achieving the certainty of being a chair that way. You’re just refusing to face uncertainty; that doesn’t make it go away. So my advice to you is man the fuck up, grab some colors, face the future boldly, and just fucking paint.

Don’t paint a simple physical description of yourself; don’t paint your job, or your stuff. You’ll never have the safety of being-in-itself; you’re wasting your time trying. Use your imagination; there are other voids with limitless potential. You can imagine what isn’t, and that tells you what you are, and what you want to bemake it happen. Who cares if you fuck up here or there? Paint over it. Humanity isn’t an 8×10 you get one shot at; nothingness isn’t a cup you get to fill once. As time goes on, you’ll see more possibilities, acquire new colors, learn new brushstrokes. But you don’t get any of that if you don’t start painting now. There’s a good chance you’ll never get it perfect. Whatever, bro. But you can know perfection through its absence; when you look at yourself and say, “almost! What if I just… that’s closer, even!” That’s how you can discover the truth of beauty – the drive to create is enough.

Written by Philosophy Bro. The full summary can be read here. Philosophy Bro love can also be found on twitter and facebook.